God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
