He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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