I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
