You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
