he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
