Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
