I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
