im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize