life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
