I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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