some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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