just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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