Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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