blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
