Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
