Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize