Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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