so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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