I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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