Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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