You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
