We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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