he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
