i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
