I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
