Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
