You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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