**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
