Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
