cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have tasted many bathrooms
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
