If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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