Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize