No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
