Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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