paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
