you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
