I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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