I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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