To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
