Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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