Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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