It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
