dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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