Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
