if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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