so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
