I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
