Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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