The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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