id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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