I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
