Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
birth control should be required to get into college
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
