they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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