i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
