so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
