is your mom at the bar?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
