She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Maybe he injected his testicle?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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