My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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