I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
