i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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