So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
