this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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