Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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