he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
