Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You ruined the universe
Randomize