I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
