I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
