The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
