I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
