If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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